Lets Back up...

I

I figured out blogger!!!! Yahooo!!! And holy smokes I have some catching up to do... 

Broken arm:

While riding his new bike, Brody discovered that hand brakes are touchy and work really well.

He flew head over handle bars and snapped his arm. Sad Sad.

These were taken the night it happened.

This was at the surgery center- #3 being put under to have his arm aligned. 

Half cast! Just in time for school! And it is waterproof!

He sees the doctor later this week and hopefully the cast comes OFF!!!! Yahoo!!! 

Blog Issues!!

It's all fun and games- until I'm totally stumped as to how to solve my blog problem!

I haven't been able to add pics - said my photo limit was reached. So I try and add storage thru goggle - well it won't let me because it says I have only used 15% of avail. Storage.

And- I can't even do a normal post from blogspot. I have to do it from the app. What is happening?!

I may throw the towel in and just start a part 2 blog.

I don't have the patience or techy brain for these types of computer mysteries.

In other news- I am well into my Christmas shopping and super excited.
Teepees, quiet books and doll clothes are in the works- turns out doll clothes are a serious task to sew! so tiny. i like projects with lots of room for error :) Me and the sewing machine are getting some quality time together.

Cowboy Days in Evanston is really fantastic. Downtown shoot outs, turkey races, pony rides, bare hand fish catch, parades- it's some good clean red neck fun. Love this town.

If anyone has advice on my blog problems- id love to hear it!

Home

I'm laying in bed, in the house I lived in for 19 years-I still call it home. The walls are a different color and my mother has reclaimed each room for her own decorating desires- but it's still home. I walk thru the doors and the comfort and peace swallows me up.
The last few days, my brothers and I, with our spouses and children have been together with my parents. Last night we were sitting on the front lawn and the kids were waving around sparklers- I was hit with nostalgia that was like watching old home VHS tapes. My brothers and I doing that exact same thing with our cousins and the adults sitting and watching. All of us laughing and screaming and being totally reckless with flying sparks of flame. Sweet memories. Really though :). I don't feel old enough to be nostalgic. Today me and my longest childhood friend, whom I have known forever- seriously, sat holding our little girls and caught up on old friends and reminisced about things. Like the time we went on a gymkhana trail ride with our friend Jen and her family- we were swimming in a large creek- we came across this huge silver cylinder that had been dug into the bank of the water. We wiggled it out and discovered that whatever it was- it float! And we could sit on it and go for rides down the creek. So we did. Afterwards we did try to get it back upstream but it ended up being way too much work so we just let it float off. Later that night some VERY upset camping neighbors came over looking for their full keg of beer. Oops.
I love being home. I am so grateful that I come from a home with a Mom and a Dad. That I have a memory bank full of laughter and enriching experiences, of road trips and gardening,of HARD long work husking corn, painting fences,washing walls, pulling weeds, of late night lectures from my Dad when I was being a crappy teenager, of motivational chats on my Moms bed as I sobbed about cruel girls or juvenile heartbreak. Growing up was easy in these walls. If I could turn back time I don't think I would ask for many do-overs. But I do wish that I would have had perspective to appreciate my adolescent life and experiences more. I rode a horse thru Waterton National Park when I was 13. I learned how to drive a standard in a bright orange mustang GT. My parents footed the bill of years of Sylvan Learning Center private tutoring to get me thru Math. I had chronic acne at age 9 and instead of letting me suffer or racking it up to early puberty, they hauled me to doctors and dermatologists and specialists for answers and help. Not an easy task in the world of socialized medicine. I had it good and I don't think I really knew it. Better late then never though.

Bust

Summer or Bust!
If I was a car window decal kind of person this might be something Id do.
I love summer.

But this year this would be followed by... Bust.

Prepare yourself for a pity party blog post. Without pictures. Because I have hit my photo limit and need to figure out what to do.

Bust. Like a big ol bust in the arm.

It happened Friday. The boys were out riding bikes and Brody used his super power- or his "I'm going way too fast" power on his handle breaks and came to a dead stop- causing him to go head over handlebars.
He jumped right up and we inspected the damage. Gross shredded knee and shoulder- but he wasn't screaming about any of that- he was holding his left arm at a crazy angle and sobbing because of it.
We have friends in high places. Like Ortho PA's. Plan was to wait just a bit until he could come take a look and give his opinion. Then Brody said "I don't feel good" and just sort of fell back on the floor and passed out, woke up and puked. We loaded him in the car and headed for the worlds most expensive ER. Despite him having a helmet on, I was worried about a concussion.
X rays confirmed yes, definitely broken left arm. No concussion.
He had to be put out so they could manipulate the arm and get it back into alignment. The needle was devastating.
Brody and anesthetic is a funny thing. He kept telling us to turn off the dizzy spell, then there was talk of Zombies and fairy dust. When the doc told him to go to a "happy place" in his head he kept repeating "family reunion, boating" over and over. Funny that that is his happy place. The things you discover!
X rays afterward showed that the bone still wasn't aligned. Repeat process.the 2nd time he was put under I just started bawling. For his arm, and that he hurt so badly, for gratitude that his head was fine, relief that at least asleep, he was unaware of all the yanking and twisting and force on his arm. I cried because summer was going to suck. I cried about the thought of huge bills from the ER, radiology, anesthetic, orthopedics, pharmacy.. I cried because Dev works his butt off for a company that provides extremely expensive insurance with mind blowing deductibles before anything actually kicks in- its infuriating. I cried because I was crying and there really wasn't a good reason for ME to be crying!
Yesterday was the day of fate. To find out if surgery was needed or not. Brody was so worked about it. Blinking back tears most of the day. It was a sweet moment when I peaked in at him knelt in prayer and asking that his arm be better and that he wouldn't need surgery or needles. I shared his same prayer. They did another set of x rays and decided that no surgery was needed - yahoooo!!! BUT- the bone had to be manipulated again- by the orthopedic specialist. So we went to the surgery center yesterday- Brody had to get in a hospital gown and they put him under anesthetic.. again!
Arm fixed and a new, super heavy duty front and back cast is on- with ace bandages- he is still really swollen- so this cast allows for the swelling to happen. Next week we will go back, again, and he will get a true cast- above the elbow and then all the way around his hand. It's heavy and hot, itchy and not waterproof.
(Eventually he will be able to have a smaller cast that is waterproof)
I get that this is just a broken arm. Happens all the time- way worse things that can happen. But it still is just rotten and hard. This type of confinement and limitations for a kid like Brody is honestly torture. He is active and rowdy- he's pretty much amphibious and loves the water- he lives outside in the summer. We are heading to a family reunion (his happy place) next week and I think it will be fun, but it will also be so sad and hard for him to not be able to go tubing or skiing, wake boarding, jump on the trampoline, swim ect- especially when all his cousins are. Torture.
What do I do the rest of the summer?? I really am out of ideas. We were outside today making a pulley system between the top and bottom decks- the type of thing that usually he is all about. He lasted about 25 mins before he was too hot in his arm and his neck hurt from his sling from holding up his heavy arm. He went back in. And moped around complaining of boredom and misery. My patience is already running out. Mostly because I don't have an answer! If he can be outside, and in water, he is 100% entertained and happy. I have given so many other ideas- we have played games and done cool projects but all he wants to do is swim and make a water world behind the wood pile, or ride his bike. TV is definitely being overly used- but even that isn't cutting it. We went for a drive today and had the widows down- he said from the backseat that he was closing eyes and pretending he was riding his bike really fast- and I cried again! I know he's not dying and that this will end fine and that it is one summer- but it breaks my heart. Stupid broken arm robbed us of happiness! How's that for dramatic. But today this is how I feel.

SPF 80

And yet we are all darkening up

T

I was at swim lessons, watching Zane do some crazy version of a back float, loving on Preslie, and venting to Allie about how frustrated I was with my 7 year old and his early onset bad attitude. Dev called, and delivered news that made me catch my breath , my heart stop,and, for a moment thought, I would surely be sick.
Theresa had died.
Theresa was Devins foster sister. But the foster really isn't necessary. She was family. My sister in law. My children's Aunt, and a favorite one at that. Titles weren't needed. I would catch myself being envious of her- she had ambition and drive, and a determination I wish I had. She always seemed to be trying something- motorcycles, horses, golf,cooking, carpentry, different classes, she had a degree in biology and then decided to do the police academy. She loved kids. She was the one who would play with the herds of children when we were all together. She built a marble track for the nieces and nephews. She lived with us for a bit in Pocatello, and often we would come across some home project or repair that she had just done- we didn't ask. She just did it.
She had a way with people- she would meet someone and it didn't seem to take long for her to be able to chat it up with them; I remember while she was living with us, my parents came for a visit and she somehow ended up having hours worth of conversation with my anti-social father. She seemed to always be on the hunt for what life had to offer.
Theresa committed suicide.
I had a difficult time writing that. I had a difficult time saying it to my children. I have moments when it still just doesn't seem real- not Theresa. But it's true. Suicide has become so real to me.
It was just over a year that my dear cousin Nathan committed suicide. And now Theresa. Heart ache.
And again, I'm struck with how grief is such a roller coaster, but when a life is lost by their own doing- how much that adds to the pain and guilt and curiosity of it all.
These were people who did not lack love. I KNOW this. They didn't lack a support system, or friends, or family.
It is so so hard to not get obsessed with the whys and what could any of us have done to have a different outcome. It makes you lose sleep, and cry when you least expect it, and replay moments over and over in your head. And pray.
Lately my prayers have been for peace and comfort, but also for more kindness and tolerance and acceptance. I need to be softer. To try harder to understand others emotions. Including my kids and friends, Devin, family,and youth that I work with thru church. I too often internalize a situation- instead of taking just a moment and finding justification in the others actions. Instead of skipping over the dramatic teenage girl Facebook rants- maybe I can ask if they want to talk. Its ok to admit sadness- even if there isn't a reason for it. Depression was seldom on my mind, but now I find myself being as terrified of it as cancer. I never thought of depression as deadly- but now it has claimed lives that I loved. Is there a cure?

Facts

Doing a blog post from your phone will scramble the pics.

You could play match the fact with the pic :)



School is out!!!!
Brody finished first grade with a bang!
Such a good year.

Memorial Day in our neck of the woods, will require snowshoes and jackets.

Turtles are good and don't smell.

BBQ's for Birthdays with cute decor and awesome friends makes you feel special- no matter how old you are.

The great salt lake is beautiful at sunset. But so SO stinky.

Swimming in the great salt lake with a sunburn and grass burns will really hurt (just ask Brody)

We like to make shadow statues.

All those years of hearing the Bish's RV radio commercials about star gazing as a family, stuck with me and Dev. We are RV owners! And pretty dang excited. After a ton of looking- seriously- I bet over 100 trailers- we finally brought one home. Then when we got it here we realized we have NO idea really how it works.

Science camp is the bomb diggity.

Evanston WY has gigantic toads! Who knew!!!? And we caught them. (And let them go)

2 binkies are better then 1.

Some garage sale shoppers are intense.